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I'd much rather hang out with all kinds of people than fight monsters I can't even talk to. After all, there is nothing more complex and interesting than "people" in this world.
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I'm aware it involves dying. My condolences to you, truly. I was present not long before someone else went through their Spectral death, and someone I care for is not long for his own. It's a cruel thing.
[ And no one, no one, should need to endure it. It is one of those things that she will never forgive Patho-Gen for. ]
I only advise that you keep yourself safe. I can't say I don't respect Silco; I do, and I appreciate his perspective. But I know very little about him. As we've discussed, I am hesitant to trust most of anyone.
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So, if you have a friend that will also pass soon, my advice is to try and be there when it's time if you can. It's terrifying, honestly. But it's better to not experience it alone. That's where I'm grateful to Silco.
[ He's leaving out a lot of detail. Of course he is. He'll die again before he admits to anyone that it was so much worse tan this. That he let Silco drown him and that he was grateful for that. ]
But (ironically) trust me when I say that I'm certainly doing my best to be cautious around him. I don't know very much about him either, but I think it's perfectly obvious that he's a dangerous person.
One that's sure to yell at me for obliquely admitting our connection, in fact! But it's also a good test to see just how meticulous [ translation: paranoid ] he is, I figured. It's a useful thing to know.
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[ She respects their wishes too much to refuse them. But it breaks her heart. She knows Eli had people with him. She doesn't know about Ace, and the thought that he might be alone because he fears showing such horror to people who care... ]
Well, wonder no more: he reached out to me. I'm not shocked; he's very cautious about himself. I don't blame him for it, either. We weren't being as cautious as we should have.
Silco is, unlike others, more dangerous because he is unknown and somewhat unpredictable. He's also less dangerous than Patho-Gen.
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If you think it might help them to hear from someone who's already gone through it, you're welcome to pass my information along. I do feel a distinct kinship with my fellow Spectrals, since our process does feel... unique. Unfortunately.
[ It's even been another project that he's been mulling over to try and find all the other Spectrals and make sure they know what's coming. That they know the don't have to be alone. It's such a delicate and honestly vulnerable thing that he's hesitating beyond the one-on-one conversations, though. He does much better with procuring art than he does sentimentality. ]
Ah, but truly, speak of the devil, since he just sent me a message too. He's indeed unhappy, but it's to be expected. Oops~
[ he's NOT sorry ]
...Though. I'm curious of your opinion, since I asked him too, but I imagine your answer will be much more thoughtful. Why keep imprinting partners a secret? I'm not sure if it's something worthy of caution, but that's why I'm interested in the rationales.
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[ Whether they'll take it is another thing entirely. But it wouldn't hurt, would it? As for the rest, well, she's not shocked Silco's lashing out at both of them. On one hand, she certainly would feel irritable, even hurt, if she knew someone was speaking of her and calling her nasty. On the other hand, she knows what she is: a step above a monster, just gilded with the finest gold. ]
I can only speak for myself, though I imagine it might be true for him as well. An imprint, to me, is a vulnerability someone can exploit. To know the name of someone who has entrusted themselves to me means that someone could harm them to get to me. The imprint itself has softened me towards others and it is, frankly, a detriment.
[ She is weaker now and she knows it. If Silco sees it the same way, and she imagines he does, then for his business to be aired like that is just another way someone can slip past his armor to harm him. ]
Hugo, I have lost everyone who is dear to me. I've lost cousins and uncles to succession wars. I've lost my father, my only friend, and my brother. Everyone who has come close to me dies.
To tie oneself to me is as good as a death sentence.
[ And still she is too selfish to ask them to leave, to try to break the tether forcefully. Now that she's known the warmth of companionship, it's difficult to turn away from it — and she is cruel for it. ]
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[ From their very first conversation about art of all things, he’d related to how they talked about family. Knowing the less polite strokes of it now… ]
And second, that I’m sorry. Both that it led to bringing this up, since I can’t imagine it’s pleasant, and for your losses. When we first spoke about family, I thought there were shades of it that were familiar, but it’s sad to know that it’s the brutality.
[ There’s a little of a pause before the next message, because he’s torn. What a strange little trio they are, he’s realizing, and it’s unexpected. Both of them manage to speak to things that Hugo normally keeps under tight control, so it’s the same as talking to Silco. He has to decide whether to be honest. His impulse is always to tell a more pleasant lie, and it’s only worse since his Soul has gotten stronger. ]
My family worked similarly, but I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have any fondness for them, since it was all ruthless games of succession, but I was just a whetstone for it because I’m a bastard. So, when there was an opportunity, they murdered the only person who was dear to me when I was very young.
[ A mostly truth, he decides. She doesn’t need the details that would make his heart pound if it were still capable. That they tried to scapegoat him for it. That he was praised for it. ]
So, I do understand how you feel. I feel the same way about being close to others, really. It’s a feeling I’ve worked on over the years, but it’s still never fully gone away.
[ Notably, he doesn’t mention his own opinions on the imprints. His own opinion is callous, and he knows it, but when it’s placed beside her much kinder rationale? He feels worse about it. If he can avoid having to explain it, he will. ]
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Ruthlessness. To be a whetstone, to be the carving point. She understands it. And now she starts to see a different sort of tangled web. Does Silco understand he's imprinted on two people who have walked parallel paths at one point? He'd likely detest the thought. ]
You understand it better than others do. I have no love of violence and I have been away from what little is left of my family for many years now. It shapes me, still, both the bloodshed and the tangled knot of blood ties. And so it makes trusting others even more difficult. I've never been close to others, not even my peers.
[ She had Elora, of course. But their dynamic was different. She was friend and assistant, and she, too, paid a price. The first person to look past her jagged edges and the cold stone of her heart is still here but vulnerable, and she has already had a brush with losing him. ]
I have to fight often to allow myself to trust the few I do. It is not a thing I can promise every day, though I work on it. So I understand.
If you have difficulties with Silco, or if you are concerned about retaliation, I can help you. I am not suggesting we hurt him, only that I have seen what he and his are capable of, and I wish only to prevent further pain. Silco is a man who is inventive, perceptive, and cunning — and I mean that in the kindest way I can.
[ For all that she still despises what he's done, what his cohorts have done. She can never forgive the blatant murder of her colleagues...even if it was deserved. But for him to endanger Viktor and Jayce? That had never been deserved, and she will stand by it. ]
We have enough agony in this forsaken place. We do not need more.
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…Maybe he should have stayed anonymous after all, he thinks dryly. Lightly poking at Silco and Takasugi and handing out Thiren sex tips was much more fun than this self-reflection.
Yet, it does feel good to relate to someone on these matters, even so. He’d guess she probably feels a bit the same. Putting up high walls around your heart is necessary for self-preservation in the kind of worlds they live in, but they’re still human. They still crave connection, even if they might deny it. ]
What a funny thing. I expected some casual gossip, and here we are finding new friends thanks to Silco.
[ “Friends” being just a little bit playful, since considering their mutual trust issues… That would be overstating it. He’s the kind of person that deflects his feelings with humor, at least a little bit. He’s just not sure to say further, because it quickly becomes vulnerable, and he clamps down on that information and those feelings like a vice. ]
So, I will let you know if I find myself in a difficult situation, but I should be fine. I’m used to dealing with people like him, actually. To make a long story short, I left my family when I was a young man and went into, well, thievery. [ That’s not too much of a secret at this point. He’s told a few people, especially when “THIEF” was emblazoned across his cheek. ] Non-violent crime is still crime, so. I’ve rubbed elbows with the more intense of them, to be polite about it.
But I am appreciative. Please know that it’s mutual, though you have more information than I, of course.
Truly. The less trouble, the better.
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Don't tell Silco that. He's always looking for knives in the dark.
[ The last thing either of them need is for him to think they're conspiring against him when the both of them just want to learn how to live with the damn imprint they're saddled with, and without inciting more trouble. This has added one more wrinkled complication to an already tangled tapestroy. Mel rubs her eyes. ]
Likewise, Hugo. I'll share what information I can but please let me know if there's any support or help I can provide you. If nothing else, we can keep an eye out for one another. And it helps to know someone understands.
[ And perhaps she'll have a better understanding of Silco's activities at some point. ]
🎀
[ And, boy, does he mean it. He'd perhaps had more underhanded intentions at first, since his unusual bond with Silco does make him feel rather loyal to him, but. As similar as he and Silco are, this is a key point where they differ. Hugo has a softer heart than Silco, so any shared experience is one that he opens his heart to more than he'd like to admit.
He knows this would be a balancing act, but he'll still do it. Whether it's an unwarranted confidence or not, he feels like he can deal with Silco's temper if it goes poorly. ]