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I'd much rather hang out with all kinds of people than fight monsters I can't even talk to. After all, there is nothing more complex and interesting than "people" in this world.
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[ She's made plenty of mistakes, after all. Once considering weapons to protect and then abandoning such notions, only to see them created regardless of her concerns. But she's seen some of the darkest pieces of people, of people who only want for violence, and the people who struggle to free themselves from their conquerors. It's easy to feel as if such a thing can only occur under specific circumstances.
But many can be changed to want violence. Piltover calls for accountability against Jinx, when the Council has done plenty of violence on their own simply out of negligence and malice.
She considers his question. ]
Yes, but perhaps not for the reasons you think. Piltover's people are not like Noxus; they are softer, not prone to things like war. There is still violence, mostly between the Enforcers of Piltover and Zaun. But... [ How does she explain it? ] ...I never could shake the wariness. In Noxus, entire families can be targeted and killed by assassins. Parents and children will fight in wars of succession. You often can trust no one, not even your loved ones.
[ Gee, who does that sound like? ]
So while I understood Piltover to be gentler, less sharp, I did not get close to people. It was safer overall. But I do not have as much experience as others in terms of trust, warmth, unconditional regard. And I was treated as such, as someone whose family has power and legacy.
[ A novelty, someone with leverage, but not someone gentle enough to be approached, like she was a kind of wild animal meant to be viewed from afar. Mel can't blame them, however; the markings she wears have always been like a kind of armor, something beautiful to look at but meant to ward off those who would try to harm her, and it matched the stone around her heart. ]
My view is skewed because of it, you'll find. I look for danger, I weigh consequences, I speak in circles. I don't extend my hand so readily.
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He’s never met people that he could relate to. Not really. It was never something he lamented either, because how cruel would that be? It’d be wishing for someone else to have lived a similarly difficult life, and he wouldn’t want that. It does feel a little embarrassing to make the comparison even so, because with what she’s said, he can easily imagine how much more brutal her life must have been compared to his. For all the Ravenlocks’ faults, they were simply one family, not a nation.
Still, though. ]
I understand. At least in some shades. The Ravenlock family would have fit in well in Noxus, from the sounds of it.
[ With a wry little smile, his continues to flip the coin over his knuckles until with an elegant twist, it disappears as a sleight of hand trick. It’s not for her to marvel at, clearly, since he draws no attention to it. It’s just an idle fancy, because the people he’d gotten close to once he left his family had taught him the trick. ]
…You’ve put it to words more elegantly than I knew how to ask. It’s that feeling of distance from others.
[ It’s what Jack had called the curse of his blood. He wonders if he’d feel the same way about Mel. ]
I’ve never met anyone else that understood it. It’s… [ He hesitates, since it’s vulnerable, but with a shrug and a casual huff of a laugh, he just continues. ] Well, it’s lonely. Uniquely so, I think.
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No. No, there’s nothing left of a mother there, only the ambition she wields as shield and sword. ]
It is.
[ Who is she to deny her own vulnerability when he has just shared his own? It would be cruel, and she is trying so very hard to be so calloused these days. ]
To be in a room with so many and to know you are surrounded by others and still alone…
[ It’s unique, as he said. It is protective and it is right to do in measure, but that makes it a loneliness of her own making. Would it have been better to befriend Cassandra or to speak more with Shoola? Or would that have just been one more thing to be carved into her heart, a cut that would run deeper now in their absence. ]
I have been…encouraged to act differently. To be open and vulnerable and kinder. [ The latter is easier. The rest are not. ] But then something like this happens and I am reminded that it is easy to lose everything.
[ The loss of her allies and Imprints made her restless, furious, afraid. If they’d died… She doesn’t know what she would do. Mel is not a woman of violence but she can feel the way it claws at her chest, that desire for retribution. ]
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…It’s just too bad it hadn’t lasted. At least when he’d welcome back that protective loneliness a second time, it’d been his own choice, more or less. Better to keep people at arm’s length than to experience the betrayal of being cast aside. He found the loneliness of loss far worse than the dull hum of it when he simply refused to connect to others.
The irony isn’t lost on him in this moment. He knows he’s staring at that chance to connect with someone in the face. He’s even the one that brought it up, and she’d answered in kind. Yet. It’s that last part, isn’t it? ]
—It’s why Imprints are so troublesome. It’s really cheating the natural progression of openness and vulnerability, isn’t it~?
[ He’s airy as he laughs, but there’s a tiredness to it. He cares deeply for all of his Imprints. He hates that the connection exists. It’s a complicated, contradictory feeling that’s also dangerous. ]
That is… I can understand why people encourage that. It even comes from a place of kindness, I think. I just also find that the walls we erect aren’t out of an unkindness in turn.
[ It almost sounds like he’s gently giving advice in turn to ignore those words of encouragement, but it’s not that. He wouldn’t go that far, because it’s not that simple. It’s just a quiet understanding of the hesitation. ]
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[ When one has a singular friend for so many years in a dynamic that isn't equal, the process of forming even normal friendships is difficult. Taking that, tangling it, making her question whether any of her feelings or the feelings of others represents truth, and then adding in all of these extra emotions around people who claim to be her friend... It's maddening. So much of her life has already been thrown into question. Now she struggles to know her very sense of self.
She cants her head in a half-nod, agreeing, though she's turning over his words just the same. ]
That, too, is harder than it seems. As you said before, some people here are not cut out for this environment, and I mean that in the kindest way I can. [ She does, honestly. ] Some people give their heart and trust to easily. And others take advantage of that.
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[ He’s Imprinted with people for less, after all. He’s Imprinted people almost against his own will, as the scars of Set’s teeth in his bones remain as a testament… But that’s why he’s actually glad that the two of them haven’t, in a way. It feels like a more genuine connection as a result. ]
But I know you mean it kindly. I wouldn’t have expressed my own thoughts on the matter if I didn’t think you would understand what I meant.
[ Especially because he intimately understands how easy it is to use trust. He’s a conman and a thief, after all. Half of his work before a heist was just being friendly and charming enough for someone to trust him with information they really shouldn’t have. Even if he can couch his thievery in a principled stand, he’s still fully aware of the crueler parts of the process.
He sighs, but it’s with a light-hearted, slightly overdramatic humor. ]
My kinder hearted fellows really do stress me out. Admirable as wanting to save the world may be, goodness, they’re so quick to trust Patho-Gen’s words about the matter! I’d knock some self-preservation into their thick heads first, really.