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SYNTROFOS PROFILE
Username: mockingbird vivant
Name: Hugo Vlad Ravenlock
Age: 35
Hometown: New Eridu
I'd much rather hang out with all kinds of people than fight monsters I can't even talk to. After all, there is nothing more complex and interesting than "people" in this world.
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art credit code creditName: Hugo Vlad Ravenlock
Age: 35
Hometown: New Eridu
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[even if he knows it's probably at least half joking, it feels necessary to say anyway.
he's not the touchiest of people, generally, but between their imprint and the hint of sadness in his eyes, that softer smile and the tone of his voice-- the impulse to reach out barely registers. he doesn't recall shifting his glass, even. one minute it's in hand, and the next he's using the sticky filaments on his insect arm to hold it instead, his human hand's fingers laced with hugo's.
better. that feels better, chilly or not; hell if he's going to let his plant's preferences for light and heat keep him from it.]
Not trying harder to numb it... something like that's still a choice. I'd know. And that passenger of yours doesn't make that any different, whatever you have to do to keep it satisfied.
[there are worse parasites. people who make themselves into one.]
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This closeness seems so muddy every time. Is the comfort he feels his? Or is it just an echo of the imprint? It’s probably something he should just let go unexamined, because the very question is like anathema to the warmth, but it’s difficult. ]
Maybe wine isn’t our drink of choice. We’re two for two on getting into difficult things, aren’t we?
[ He runs his thumb along Gregor’s skin gently, a warmer mirror of the gesture of worrying against his wine glass. ]
But I do worry about it, you know. I don’t know if it’s the same for the other types of Souls, but mine feels terribly opinionated. [ No, he’s being light again. That’s not what he wants to get at, so he rephrases. ] It’s angry. Resentful. I get the sense if I don’t keep it satisfied, then it’ll just take that matter into its own hands.
[ And it whispers at him to just lie, but he feels like trading one cowardice for another. It’s not fair to Gregor, and he knows that. It’s especially not fair because if he balks, surely he’d have to find somewhere else to stay, right?
But he’ll know how much of his is real—truly their own rather than some twisted, forced bonding. Selfishly, he thinks he needs that distinction. ]
I’m not a blood drinker. I’m simply a murderer. It’s killing that satisfies it.
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[he murmurs in response to hugo's description of his soul. his terra soul isn't like that, but-- he knows the feeling, regardless.
and when hugo admits to his soul's needs... he doesn't release his hold on his hand, though he's quiet for a few moments himself. it's not hard to decide what he wants to say, it's just that he's worried he won't sound serious-- but how else can he put something like this?
...he's just going to have to be out with it first and go from there.]
That doesn't change what I said, y'know. About helping you out if you need it. Sure, neither of us is gonna enjoy it, but I've died worse ways before.
[this is certainly going to need more explanation, isn't it.]
See, Manager Bud, they can pull me back, and we might've already had to put that to the test here, so hey-- at least we know it works? [hurriedly continuing on as if he didn't just offer to die for him AND casually admit to dying after coming here:] You'd just need to call 'em over. Or drag me to 'em, whatever's quicker.
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(That’s the part that’s unfair. Even confessing this is a test of sorts, because if Gregor walks away, it’s easier for Hugo to steel his heart. It’s fitting, considering the part of their conversation about growing numb.)
So, naturally. Gregor’s response is a surprise. There’s the simple part, the fact that he’s met with understanding, the fact that Gregor doesn’t pull away, and that’s something meaningful. Enough so that he tries to stifle the way it makes him feel by looking down to their hands instead, but the way it continues? That’s much more of a surprise.
He can understand the kindness of this offer. The practicality of it, even, because if Dante can really do this, then maybe this is a way he could claw back some sense of ethics from the guilt that’s eating at him. And, yet. He swallow thickly, and he’s sure if he still had a heart, it would quickly start to hammer in his ears. ]
Gregor…
[ His mask slips more now, but it’s not to show softness. It’s still understated, but there’s concern that’s just a little too intense even for the worrying offer. There’s something personal here. ]
I can’t do that. Even if you can come back, I can’t… [ He grips Gregor’s hand a little more tightly, and he doesn’t seem to notice it. ] Please don’t die for my sake.
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[he... thinks he can read what might be behind the tighter grip, the focused concern that slips into hugo's voice. after all-
there's been something like that in his own tone before, albeit more pleading, and he reflexively gives hugo's hand a small squeeze. still here. still fine.]
...you don't have to take the offer either, yeah? I mean, I don't know how easily I could promise something like that, it's... obviously dying isn't always up to me, but trust me, I'm not the type of guy who likes throwing his life down whenever he can.
[it still hurts. it's still death. not to mention that he knows dante feels it, whenever they rewind the clock... but even without that, even with dying being all a part of the job now, he's hardly eager to go through it when it happens.]
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…My apologies. I didn’t mean for that to come out so sharply.
[ His hand relaxes again. Before coming here, he probably would have pulled his hand away, but the thought doesn’t even occur to him now. ]
I appreciate the offer, truly. You’re trying to offer a solution to this wretched problem.
[ He pauses for a moment and huffs out a heavy, thoughtful sigh. There’s a practicality to it that he can’t deny, and maybe it’s perhaps the most moral way to handle his wretched diet. Gregor’s death that doesn’t quite stick could be better than the lives that Hugo absolutely takes. But the sigh doesn’t come from that kind of brutal calculus. It’s the callous truth of the matter. ]
I simply couldn’t do it. We may not have known each other long, but I do care about you.
[ It’s the matching, implied statement that’s the problem. He doesn’t care about them. ]
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[he does. there's a line that exists, between the people you choose to know and care for-- and the people that you can't know out of pure pragmatism. you have to keep them firmly on the other side as a vaguely acknowledged enemy (or in this case, as food); it's the only way he was able to fight the war, to keep slicing through them, and it must be the same for hugo now.]
I'd be hard pressed to do it in your place, too. You... can't look down the barrel at someone you know the same way that you can with a stranger. Gotta keep yourself from being able to think too hard about it.
cw: suicidal ideation (but like the casual ""practical"" kind)
Then for many reasons, I’ll continue to pray that it never gets that bad. I can at least say that hunger doesn’t strike me nearly as often as it did before.
[ And thank goodness for that, honestly. The very thought of such an emergency already sends Hugo’s thoughts to a dark place, but if he had to “feed” more frequently? He doesn’t think he could bear it. He sighs, almost physically shaking off that dark train of thought. ]
I’m sorry to worry you. It’s… manageable, really.
[ It’s not the most convincing assurance, but it’s more because he just doesn’t enjoy what it means to manage it. While killing isn’t a new prospect for him, it’s never been something he’s relished in. The fact that his Soul clearly does is another little upsetting aspect of it. It’s something he wants to quickly move on from too. ]
And, goodness, doubly sorry to bring all of this up on today of all days! I should have saved a heartfelt, dire conversation for at least day three of you being my roommate, right~?
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[ah, yes. time for both of them to get right back to joking, surely everything is going to be completely fine forever.]
You're still gonna be stuck with me worrying about you though, sorry to say. Signed up for that when you imprinted with me.
[and the more they get to know each other, the more that worry comes from a place of care. gregor genuinely likes him, after all, so even if this is a problem he can't really help with... at least now he knows it's one that exists. something to be aware of, to not trip over and cause new problems later, to try to support him with.]
🎀
…Genuinely, he’s not used to people worrying about him. Before coming here and collecting imprints far more readily than he necessarily would like, he probably could have counted them all on a hand. He’s not exactly comfortable with the feeling, but also? ]
Mm, if you insist… But that goes for you too, you know. Even if it’s just your love life~.
[ He puts it lightly and teasingly, but that’s not actually what he means. Those serious subjects are things he’ll fret over, because he thinks the two of them are similar in matters like this. That helps him accept it more than he might otherwise. ]