ic inbox
INBOX
text / audio / video / action
I'd much rather hang out with all kinds of people than fight monsters I can't even talk to. After all, there is nothing more complex and interesting than "people" in this world.
art credit code credit
no subject
By the time he left, he was ready to burn it all down. But that had also felt like a decision that should be left to someone else. He’d recognized his desire for vengeance wasn’t exactly rational. It’s been more present since the reality of their position here had become clearer. ]
I agree. I didn’t exactly believe their story myself when I arrived, but it seems like their intentions are far worse than I imagined. The sooner we can free ourselves from their shackles, the better. I think the same for those left below, though their recourse is…
[ He trails off, since putting it to words feels vile. But if she’s aware of what’s down there, she surely heard them too. It’s not subtle what he’s implying, but he sighs as he continues on. ]
I am. I wouldn’t call it lucky, exactly, but it’s at least something that we were able to talk to our fellows in that strange realm. [ Dream? He’s still not sure what to call it. ] So, it seems like they have no problem finding it themselves. I don’t really understand why they’d want to expose us to it, though. It’s not as if it’s safe for them if we’re fully Corrupted. It’s more dangerous, I’d venture.
no subject
[ She certainly hasn't stuck around to see someone remove it, and she could chide herself for such a thing now. If she had, she could at least say for certain if there was a technique involved or if they truly were getting rid of deposits. They do disappear so they must be removed, but being destroyed is another matter.
It makes her wonder if Katalyth can be destroyed at all. ]
That could be the case. But they've proven they can control us regardless. I would wager we should be more inclined to wonder why they haven't made attempts to control us when we've gotten out of hand in the city previously.
[ Not that she would wish it on Pom but he's told her of his reactions, of what happened between him, Gale, and Astarion. And while that did end with some kind of intervention... It just makes her think that Patho-Gen is more strategic about when they use such a thing, either to conceal the extent of their power or because they simply don't care about the ramifications. Data is data.
Mel hates that it's speculation. ]
It's also likely that the more they test us, the more they know what we can endure. It's not as if they are running out of worlds to pull from. If we die or fail... [ A pause. ] Hugo, one of the workers at their headquarters even said it didn't matter if we died; Patho-Gen would just 'revive' us.
Whether it's true or not, we are seen as expendable by a whole swath of the people here.
no subject
I… hadn’t considered that. That’s a possibility.
[ But why, he wonders. The Katalyth hurts the Augmented, but it’s not like it’s good for the locals either. His immediate, cynical guess would be a weapon, since that’s human nature, isn’t it? Anything that hurts others can be turned into a weapon. It’s why he thinks they might be meant as weapons too, since it’s not like he can see a “purpose” for Spectrals like he could Terra, however much he hates to think of any of them that way.
However, that thought fades away as Mel continues to explain. That revelation about their potential fates makes him clench his jaw as his mouth becomes a thin, stern line. ]
Revive us? They can do that?
[ He’s angry to hear that. It’s clear in his face, even if it’s cold and controlled. The fact that Spectrals have to go through death is bad enough, but the idea that any of them could go through it? He hates it. Hates Patho-Gen, because he thinks of all the kind people who truly shouldn’t have to experience something like that.
Claws in his side. Water in his lungs. Choking back to life. His scythe is absolutely meant to cut out the rotten people that cause such misfortune—
Those bitter, vengeful thoughts aren’t his. Not fully, and he realizes it in the same way he realizes that his glamor has faltered to show his unsettling, dark sclera, and the ghostly glow in his hair. He closes his eyes sharply as he breathes in an unnecessary breath through his nose. ]
—Apologies.
[ He opens his eyes again, and it’s all back to “normal”. He’s calm and controlled again, however much he’s forced it. ]
There’s a lot of work to do. That’s what I’m realizing.
no subject
Hugo.
[ It's gentle, far more so than she has been before. Her hand reaches out but doesn't make contact, letting it linger a few inches from his upper arm if he should need support. He doesn't need her help, though; he's back to normal quickly enough that she needn't have been worried.
(No, that's not quite right, is it? She hadn't been worried about him causing a scene. She was worried about his other soul slipping from his control and hurting him.)
With a frown, she shakes her head. ]
It's fine. It's... I find myself more and more furious these days too. [ Her gaze narrows as it glances outwards. ] There's so much work to be done.
[ And for all that people want to help... Hugo is right. Too many people are soft; too many people want to maintain complete peace. They won't be able to live with the difficult choices that will come from this. And as the Augmented are already struggling to get their feet back on the ground after what's occurred, to ask them to sacrifice more is too much. ]
no subject
[ He plays off the lapse with a light-hearted laugh, and there’s even a little bit of color on his cheeks as he glances away. It’s true that it is embarrassing, so that flush is real, but he’s also severely underplaying the reaction itself. He’s always valued his self-control, and that’s true now more than ever here. There’s the practical concern, of course. He doesn’t want to lose his mind and attack others as he’d been attacked by Takasugi.
But also, painful as the irony may be, all things considered… He doesn’t want to be looked at as a monster. Not by his fellow Augmented, at least. Perhaps that’s inevitable, considering his vicious diet, but he’ll still keep it at bay as long as possible.
Idly, he reaches into his inner coat pocket to pull out a large coin. He doesn’t make a show of it, especially since he continues talking once he’s done it, but he starts to flip it over his knuckles. A nervous habit, perhaps. ]
…Though it’s oddly a relief to hear that it isn’t just me. Patho-Gen certainly provides no shortage of things to be furious about, especially as of late.
[ He sighs and shakes his head. ]
Well, I wouldn’t say we have our work cut out for us in the slightest, really… [ A bit cynical to start, but his voice warms as he continues. ] But I’ll still provide all my skills for it. I’ve become rather fond of the Augmented, so… Helping them is what seems right with this new life of mine.
no subject
She has to believe it. And she does think he means it too. ]
I'll let you know what opportunity there is once I've given it more thought. I want to be careful, as we said before, about who is doing what piece. There are many of us who are too tender-hearted to be asked to do the difficult work, just as there are some among us who I wish to remain wary of.
[ Frankly, she's not even speaking of Silco at this point, though he's...a problem on his own. No, she's speaking of two things: ]
An Augmented was helping Patho-Gen, subjecting themselves to experimentation. We may not be able to convince people not to ply their luck with our hosts but the more information we give them, the more opportunity we give them, the stronger they will be against us.
And there's the matter of this military option.
[ She's waiting to see on that. But she knows war; she knows what her mother would do. It's a box that, once opened, cannot be closed. Mel will be keeping her eye on Set and his work. ]
no subject
Right. Set’s project, correct? I’ve met him.
[ …Been attacked, bitten, and imprinted by him, more accurately, but that’s embarrassing. He really needs to imprint with someone in a normal circumstance. Whatever that actually means. ]
Personally, I don’t know if that’s a wise course of action, but I also can’t say I’d put it entirely off the table. It’s just a dangerous option. For everyone.
[ He may not know war, but he’s not stupid. His thoughts are very much aligned with hers, because he can easily imagine how Patho-Gen could decide that they’re more trouble than they’re worth if they turn to truly fighting against them. Hugo isn’t confident that Patho-Gen considers them valuable enough to not purge if the extreme option was needed. Yet, it’s that very thought that makes him think it’s probably worthwhile to keep as their own extreme option. ]
no subject
[ Set had briefly assured her that these people would be willing to work, wanting to help and aid the Augmented, but she has no idea if they can be trusted or where their feelings fell on the side of Patho-Gen. It's inviting a fox into a chicken den: they may be docile at first but she cannot guarantee safety to anyone helping them if military presence is involved.
Despite saying all of that, though, she still looks uncomfortable with it. ]
It only takes one misstep for our path to disappear.
[ And there's no safety net. Patho-Gen and the government won't help them; the upper classes won't aid them. The support they have are from people with meager circumstances as well...and it is just as likely they will remove that help if it jeopardizes too much. ]
no subject
[ He trails off with a twist of his expression. It’s not distaste, but it’s closer to exasperation. It’s at Set because he’s a difficult person, but it’s also at himself a bit, since he’s been considering reaching out to him anyways. Hearing this from Mel, he’s actually all the more certain that he should. He will, in fact, get more than he bargained for out of that, ]
I’ll just be polite and say that he’s a strong personality.
[ Which is putting it so lightly… ]
no subject
[ There's a wry twist to her lips. She doesn't actually mean the words; it's more to let Hugo feel more at ease, that whatever he actually knows about Set needn't be said if he's concerned. Strong personality does plenty of justice and fits with what little she was able to glean over the network. Someone potentially bullheaded and cocky, someone who does think that a strong military arm will be wise to have.
Someone not unlike her mother. Set may lean towards hubris or ambition (or both) but his type isn't so unknown to her. ]
My homeland is one of militaristic might. The people there enjoy bloodshed and we have several fighting arenas. Our soldiers are capable of one thing: conquering. So I am aware of the cost of war quite personally.
[ And how it robs from each and every person it touches. ]
no subject
So, yes. A problem.
At least her further elaboration makes it easy to not dwell on the thought. His curiosity is immediately piqued. He understands what she means, and he can picture the sort of place that would be like, but it’s only in abstracts. He even imagines that his idea of war is quite different from hers, because for all of the military’s brutal repression of outlier groups, they still weren’t the kind that would participate in bloodsport. ]
No wonder you’re so wise when it comes to these matters, then… I certainly do, but I hope others take your concerns seriously.
[ He also feels like he understands the dynamics of her family a little more, knowing this. It’s still brutal and cruel, but it’s also different than his own. It’s why he’s curious. ]
This may be a trite question, so forgive me, but… Was it difficult to come from place like that? [ Though as soon as he asks it, he shakes his head and corrects himself. ] No, rather… Was it difficult to adjust, once you’d left?
no subject
[ She's made plenty of mistakes, after all. Once considering weapons to protect and then abandoning such notions, only to see them created regardless of her concerns. But she's seen some of the darkest pieces of people, of people who only want for violence, and the people who struggle to free themselves from their conquerors. It's easy to feel as if such a thing can only occur under specific circumstances.
But many can be changed to want violence. Piltover calls for accountability against Jinx, when the Council has done plenty of violence on their own simply out of negligence and malice.
She considers his question. ]
Yes, but perhaps not for the reasons you think. Piltover's people are not like Noxus; they are softer, not prone to things like war. There is still violence, mostly between the Enforcers of Piltover and Zaun. But... [ How does she explain it? ] ...I never could shake the wariness. In Noxus, entire families can be targeted and killed by assassins. Parents and children will fight in wars of succession. You often can trust no one, not even your loved ones.
[ Gee, who does that sound like? ]
So while I understood Piltover to be gentler, less sharp, I did not get close to people. It was safer overall. But I do not have as much experience as others in terms of trust, warmth, unconditional regard. And I was treated as such, as someone whose family has power and legacy.
[ A novelty, someone with leverage, but not someone gentle enough to be approached, like she was a kind of wild animal meant to be viewed from afar. Mel can't blame them, however; the markings she wears have always been like a kind of armor, something beautiful to look at but meant to ward off those who would try to harm her, and it matched the stone around her heart. ]
My view is skewed because of it, you'll find. I look for danger, I weigh consequences, I speak in circles. I don't extend my hand so readily.
no subject
He’s never met people that he could relate to. Not really. It was never something he lamented either, because how cruel would that be? It’d be wishing for someone else to have lived a similarly difficult life, and he wouldn’t want that. It does feel a little embarrassing to make the comparison even so, because with what she’s said, he can easily imagine how much more brutal her life must have been compared to his. For all the Ravenlocks’ faults, they were simply one family, not a nation.
Still, though. ]
I understand. At least in some shades. The Ravenlock family would have fit in well in Noxus, from the sounds of it.
[ With a wry little smile, his continues to flip the coin over his knuckles until with an elegant twist, it disappears as a sleight of hand trick. It’s not for her to marvel at, clearly, since he draws no attention to it. It’s just an idle fancy, because the people he’d gotten close to once he left his family had taught him the trick. ]
…You’ve put it to words more elegantly than I knew how to ask. It’s that feeling of distance from others.
[ It’s what Jack had called the curse of his blood. He wonders if he’d feel the same way about Mel. ]
I’ve never met anyone else that understood it. It’s… [ He hesitates, since it’s vulnerable, but with a shrug and a casual huff of a laugh, he just continues. ] Well, it’s lonely. Uniquely so, I think.
no subject
No. No, there’s nothing left of a mother there, only the ambition she wields as shield and sword. ]
It is.
[ Who is she to deny her own vulnerability when he has just shared his own? It would be cruel, and she is trying so very hard to be so calloused these days. ]
To be in a room with so many and to know you are surrounded by others and still alone…
[ It’s unique, as he said. It is protective and it is right to do in measure, but that makes it a loneliness of her own making. Would it have been better to befriend Cassandra or to speak more with Shoola? Or would that have just been one more thing to be carved into her heart, a cut that would run deeper now in their absence. ]
I have been…encouraged to act differently. To be open and vulnerable and kinder. [ The latter is easier. The rest are not. ] But then something like this happens and I am reminded that it is easy to lose everything.
[ The loss of her allies and Imprints made her restless, furious, afraid. If they’d died… She doesn’t know what she would do. Mel is not a woman of violence but she can feel the way it claws at her chest, that desire for retribution. ]
no subject
…It’s just too bad it hadn’t lasted. At least when he’d welcome back that protective loneliness a second time, it’d been his own choice, more or less. Better to keep people at arm’s length than to experience the betrayal of being cast aside. He found the loneliness of loss far worse than the dull hum of it when he simply refused to connect to others.
The irony isn’t lost on him in this moment. He knows he’s staring at that chance to connect with someone in the face. He’s even the one that brought it up, and she’d answered in kind. Yet. It’s that last part, isn’t it? ]
—It’s why Imprints are so troublesome. It’s really cheating the natural progression of openness and vulnerability, isn’t it~?
[ He’s airy as he laughs, but there’s a tiredness to it. He cares deeply for all of his Imprints. He hates that the connection exists. It’s a complicated, contradictory feeling that’s also dangerous. ]
That is… I can understand why people encourage that. It even comes from a place of kindness, I think. I just also find that the walls we erect aren’t out of an unkindness in turn.
[ It almost sounds like he’s gently giving advice in turn to ignore those words of encouragement, but it’s not that. He wouldn’t go that far, because it’s not that simple. It’s just a quiet understanding of the hesitation. ]
no subject
[ When one has a singular friend for so many years in a dynamic that isn't equal, the process of forming even normal friendships is difficult. Taking that, tangling it, making her question whether any of her feelings or the feelings of others represents truth, and then adding in all of these extra emotions around people who claim to be her friend... It's maddening. So much of her life has already been thrown into question. Now she struggles to know her very sense of self.
She cants her head in a half-nod, agreeing, though she's turning over his words just the same. ]
That, too, is harder than it seems. As you said before, some people here are not cut out for this environment, and I mean that in the kindest way I can. [ She does, honestly. ] Some people give their heart and trust to easily. And others take advantage of that.
no subject
[ He’s Imprinted with people for less, after all. He’s Imprinted people almost against his own will, as the scars of Set’s teeth in his bones remain as a testament… But that’s why he’s actually glad that the two of them haven’t, in a way. It feels like a more genuine connection as a result. ]
But I know you mean it kindly. I wouldn’t have expressed my own thoughts on the matter if I didn’t think you would understand what I meant.
[ Especially because he intimately understands how easy it is to use trust. He’s a conman and a thief, after all. Half of his work before a heist was just being friendly and charming enough for someone to trust him with information they really shouldn’t have. Even if he can couch his thievery in a principled stand, he’s still fully aware of the crueler parts of the process.
He sighs, but it’s with a light-hearted, slightly overdramatic humor. ]
My kinder hearted fellows really do stress me out. Admirable as wanting to save the world may be, goodness, they’re so quick to trust Patho-Gen’s words about the matter! I’d knock some self-preservation into their thick heads first, really.